


A Walk in the Country

by auntylala



Series: Principles of Magic [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Gwen Bashing, Horror, Humor, Kidnapping, M/M, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 01:26:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9469331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auntylala/pseuds/auntylala
Summary: We pick up with Jack and our muggle born wizard Ianto, 17 people have vanished and Torchwood investigates. How will Ianto continue to balance his secrets with living in a muggle world and what will Gwen say when Jack names his 2IC. This is an AU, it borrows from cannon and I don't own TW or HP.published on fanfiction.net, no beta so mistakes are mine.  This is an AU where magic exists





	

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read "Principals of Magic" I've created a Harry Potter cross over following a conversation with Wrose from fanfiction.net who suggested a cross over – not this one but credit where credit's due, I wouldn't have considered the initial cross over without it.
> 
> In this world Ianto's secret rather than a cyber Lisa in the basement, is being a muggle born wizard working for Torchwood and Lisa never made it out of Canary Wharf. I have taken some liberties with the timing of events as this is an AU/cross over and I borrow from Torchwood overall where it suits the story, not just on an episode by episode basis.
> 
> A Walk in the Country picks up after Principals of Magic and is the next installment in this cross over journey.
> 
> Warnings - deals with the cannon TV episode Countrycide so there are cannibals, and Gwen gets a bit of a slap... The journey Ianto and TW are taking in this will start to move away from cannon and more into AU as suits the direction I want to take this.

Jack leaned against the door frame and watched Ianto muttering at a large crated artifact that was clearly offending him with it's presence. Until it hovered an inch off the ground and he pushed it to another location.

'I was starting to wonder how you did that.'

'Jack?' Startled Ianto turned around. 'I thought I'd locked the door.'

Setting the alien device he was holding onto the desk Jack grinned. 'You did, but we have this, remember.'

'Hmm, I'll be putting that in the secure archives I think.'

'It's fine where it is.'

'You forget who starts working here tomorrow.' Ianto retorted. Second guessing his decision to take their burglar under his wing.

As if reading his mind Jack reached out to the gentle soul before him. 'I'm sure between us we'll put enough fear into the boy to keep him out of trouble.'

'That boy is six months older than me.'

'Okay, but you are a wizard and one of his jobs is going to be mucking out after Janet and you saw his reaction to her. I think that will give him a bit to think about, don't you.'

'I could always threaten to turn him into a water goblet or something.'

'Can you do that?'

Ianto quirked an eyebrow and pointed his wand at a stapler and muttered. 'Vera verto.'

'You can do that to someone?'

'Not sure.' He tapped the elaborate crystal glass and watched it revert back into a stapler. 'Never actually occurred to me to try that on a person.' He looked at Jack. 'Did you actually want something or are the screaming hordes out of coffee.' Watching as the older man's blue eyes lit up. 'Coffee it is.'

'That's not the only reason I wanted to speak with you. Since you're the only one who knows how to find anything.'

'What do you need?'

'As annoying as she can be, she had a point the other day.'

'Are you going to elaborate? Legilimency tends to give me a headache.'

'Suzie was my second.' He frowned. 'Legilimenty?'

'Legilimency. It's sort of reading someone's mind but it can be chaotic with all the jumbled thoughts and memories most people carry around. I was crap at it actually which is partially why I never got drafted into aruror training as part of my obligation.' He moved into an adjoining room and headed to an old filing cabinet that looked like it had been there longer than Jack. Pulling a draw open Ianto withdrew a leather bound filofax which he placed carefully on an old fashioned desk. 'Do you want the official criteria for choosing a second?'

'Seniority was rarely if ever determined by length of service. Otherwise I'd have been running this place a lot longer than I have been. It did occur to me however that I should still check.'

'As with all Crown Agencies there is a Job Description, of course. But few of the previous directors seem to have followed it.'

'So really, it's just up to me to make a decision then.'

'Fraid so Sir. But if I might speak freely.'

Jack snorted. 'We've had each other naked, don't hold back now.'

'Given her history with Unit, Tosh may not be comfortable with the role.'

'And I suspect Owen would be a right nightmare.' Jack shoved his hands in his pockets and turned to Ianto. 'Guess you just got a promotion.'

'Thank you Sir, its just what I always wanted.'

'Your lips may say that but your eyes not so much.'

'I was only joking about sleeping with your for a better employee evaluation you know.' Ianto sighed. 'I suppose you want to tell the others?'

'Probably aught to.'

'May be less of a shock that way.' He closed the filofax and returned it to the filing cabinet. 'I had best make coffee, hopefully there are some tea cakes.'

'I certainly haven't found any.'

Ianto laughed. 'You think I can't hide something as simple as a few tea cakes?'

Jack pouted. 'It's no fair if you use magic, you know that right.'

'You use your pheromones.'

'Hardly the same thing. They are part of me.' He shrugged.

Ianto smiled. 'As my magic is a part of me.'

Jack held his arm out to him. 'Yes well, best you find the tea cakes, I don't think the others are going to take all this as well as you seem to manage. Even if two thirds of them don't actually want the job you just got.'

Ianto privately agreed without adding that it was the one third who did want the job that had him the most concerned.

\--------------------------

Ianto walked into the conference room with his tray of coffee and smiled briefly at Jack sitting at the head of the table.

'Jimmy starts tomorrow, since it seems some of you either don't know or have gotten lazy, but we don't actually have a cleaning lady.'

'Steady on Jack.' Owen glared around his coffee cup. 'We've never had a cleaning lady.'

'No, nor is it actually Ianto's job to pick up your pizza boxes and order lunch every day.'

'Yeah but why mess with a system that works.'

'No revolution started just because the peasants got board on a Saturday night.' Jack snarked back, wondering if Ianto was rubbing of on him. Usually he would have retorted with a story about having sex with an alien rather than a sarcastic jab at the ascorbic doctor. 'Doesn't matter since we now have Jimmy to help out with the more menial chores some of you deem beneath you.'

'Tea boy got a brother?'

'A sister actually but you'll find I'm the mild mannered one.' Ianto smiled sweetly as he set a box of tea cakes on the table, having handed one to Jack and kept one back for himself.

'So that's a no then.' Owen muttered.

Gwen looked up at Jack. 'I don't understand why you hired someone for the chores, if that isn't Ianto's job, what is?'

'Job Descriptions are part of the Torchwood Handbook you were given on your first day.'

'She probably missed that on account of getting all them blokes bonked to death by the alien gas she let loose.' Owen threw into the conversation.

Gwen glared at him. 'I said I was sorry about that.'

'Doesn't change the fact we had to vacuum them up though, does it. Sweetheart.'

Ianto suppressed the urge to sigh, Owen winding Gwen up wasn't going to make Jack's official appointment of his new second any easier for her to swallow.

Gwen let tears well up ever so slightly in her eyes as she turned to Jack. 'But I said sorry and you said it was forgiven.'

Surprisingly it was Tosh who snapped.

'Forgiven doesn't mean forgotten. You didn't listen and you got innocent people killed. It happened, deal with it. I want to know more about our new team member. He didn't say much when he was here yesterday.'

She received a flash of a smile from Jack who nodded to Ianto.

Ianto cleared his throat. 'Jimmy Jones, not related, starts tomorrow helping out around the place.'

'What's his qualifications then?' Gwen demanded.

'We can't all be policemen love.' Owen sniggered.

Jack ignored them both. 'He has a number of hopefully useful talents, but to start with he will be preforming general tasks. Emptying bins, running errands and mucking out Janet's cell and the like, until we see where he fits into the team. Hardly something he needs a degree for.'

'Are you going to train him up for the field?'

This time he shrugged. 'Depends on how he works out Tosh.'

Gwen smiled at Jack. 'Since I have trained at Police College I could help assess his suitability for field work.'

Ianto suppressed the urge to mutter something along the lines of not bloody likely but chose to sip his coffee instead. Not that he needed to comment with Owen at the table.

'Not sure that's much of a recommendation given your performance in the field, is it darling.'

Gwen turned to him and snapped. 'My name is Gwen.'

Owen grinned and blew her a kiss across the table. 'Sure it is love.'

Jack banged his now empty cup on the table. 'Children, if anyone is going to be spanked, verbally or otherwise, I need to be involved. And you don't want to know about the paperwork Ianto has for that sort of thing.'

'Not jelly wrestling Jack?' Tosh asked sweetly.

Jack sighed. 'That idea was vetoed by Ianto as too messy.'

'I told you sir, a few of the fourth years tried it in my final year at school and it wasn't worth the outcome.'

Jack snapped his fingers. 'Darn it.' He shrugged. 'Oh well. On to the next matter of business. It has been pointed out that I hadn't officially appointed a second in command since my last one.'

'Went bonkers and killed herself.' Owen supplied. 'What?' He frowned at Tosh as she glared at him.

'Yes, thank you Owen, I'm sure we all needed that reminder. As it stands she was my second and I do need to formally replace her which is why I offered the position to Ianto.'

Gwen looked up from mentally rehearsing her acceptance speech and spluttered. 'What the fuck?'

Owen laughed wishing Ianto had popcorn to go with the spectacle unfolding before him. He took great lungfuls of breath to try and regain his composure but was even more floored by what happened next. And wondered where the tea boy's new found confidence had come from.

Ianto looked down his nose at the spluttering woman and gave her his very best Professor McGonagall glare in frozen precision that left Jack holding his breath. Not in fear or anything of a worried nature of course, but rather for how it warmed his blood and sent a good portion of it heading south.

'Am I to presume he should have offered the position to you?' He ignored her spluttered attempt to reply as he continued speaking. A hard, crisp edge to his voice he likened to Professor Snape on a Harry Potter tirade. He'd had potions after Harry's class as a first year and Harry always seemed to leave the Professor in a bit of a mood.

'I can assure you, Gwen, that I am more than qualified to act as Jack's second in command not that I have to justify his decision to you.'

Gwen drew herself up and glared at him but Jack stopped her.

'Think very carefully about what you are about to say in front of everyone at this table. I am the leader of Torchwood and this is my decision. Now if everyone has finished their coffees perhaps you should all get back to work. Ianto, would you join me in the firing range please.'

'Certainly Sir.'

\--------------------------

Ianto took only a few moments to gather his tray together before heading to the range and Jack. Where he found him setting out an array of weapons. 'I'm not fond of guns Sir.'

'I also can't have you running around armed with nothing more than a gorgeous suit, your wit and a wand.' He grinned at the faint blush that rose for only the hint of a moment before his archivist and second pulled himself back to his default of professionalism. 'And in my absence you may be required to assist with weapons training.'

'Planning on taking a holiday?'

Jack set the gun he was holding down and rolled his shoulders back. 'I'm sure you know more of my secrets than anyone else, although Owen and Gwen have worked out one or two.'

'Owen is your physician and she saw you get shot when Suzie died.'

'I do love the way you put things together Ianto.' He leaned forwards as he gave an appreciative leer to illustrate the wider range of intentions behind his words.

'As a former slave to One you would also be more than aware of who the Doctor is.' He took the nod for assent. 'I was traveling with him when this.' His hand waved to indicate himself. 'Happened, and I'm hoping when I next run across him he can explain what it is.'

'Which may necessitate you taking an extended leave of absence Sir.'

Jack stepped towards him and nodded. 'I'd come back, you know that don't you.'

'You also know the others are likely watching us, or at least Tosh will be.'

'Good thing there is no sound in here.' Jack flashed Ianto a customary grin before turning back to the guns. 'Perhaps we should continue that conversation after you've shown me how many of my guns you can handle.'

Picking the standard Torchwood issue glock up Ianto gave a half smile. 'I think you will find I can handle anything you've got. Sir.' Safety gear donned he checked the gun was loaded and the safety off, stepping up to the line he took aim and pulled the trigger.

Jack watched a living montage as Ianto picked each gun up in turn and found his target each time without fail. There was a perfection in the man's movements as he carefully and methodically selected each weapon in turn and revealed more than an average proficiency. Deciding he needed to test Ianto's reflexes in a more high pressure situation he moved up behind the younger man as he stepped up with his latest gun of choice. Hands on Ianto's hips he moved up his body and spoke just loud enough that Ianto could hear him with the ear plugs in.

'Don't let me distract you.' Grinning as Ianto finally missed.

Squaring his shoulders back, pushing himself more firmly into Jack's space Ianto took a breath and resumed focusing on the cardboard weevil and pulled the trigger.

\--------------------------

Owen marveled at the differences between the two women he worked with. Tosh was delicate but like her perfume of choice, lilly of the valley, the delicate appearance belied the potential of the woman within. Just as the equally beautiful flower had the potential to be dangerous, so too was she. Then there was Gwen. She was moderately attractive if you were into big doe eyes and liked your women simpering and curvy. She was, in short, simply outclassed by Tosh and the growing tension between their two Welsh team mates was unlikely to end well. Unfortunately for Gwen, Owen suspected Ianto was well ahead regarding her desire to bed their leader and he further suspected that detail was going to make things rather difficult for all of them when she finally worked it out for herself.

While Gwen muttered and stomped around the Hub, Tosh was surreptitiously watching Jack and Ianto on her computer screen and finding them boringly tame. She was impressed with the accuracy but it wasn't interesting. Until Jack moved up right behind him and she felt her cheeks colouring as hands moved over the Welshman in a very intimate way leaving her wishing she had the willpower to stop watching. She was disappointed when the screen went blank and a quick diagnostic check revealed it was deliberate and not something she could fix from her desk.

\--------------------------

The next day Ianto brought a subdued Jimmy back into Jack's office and patted him on the shoulder before gently telling him he'd be back with coffee.

Jack grinned. 'What do you think?'

'I think.' He looked around the office. 'I should have let you take me to the nick.'

'Nonsense, Ianto clearly saw potential in you.'

'Yeah, as dinner for that monster you got downstairs.'

Jack barked a laugh. 'Just stick to the protocols and Janet wont be a problem. And for the record, she's an alien not a monster.'

'Oh, that makes me feel safer.'

Jack found himself wondering if Ianto's eye rolling was a national thing as he watched the Welshman before him delivering a degree of snark accompanied by an eye rolling worthy of the archivist walking in the door with coffee.

'You will be expected to man the Tourist Office when you aren't needed down here.' Ianto set the cups down before taking a seat next to Jimmy with his own coffee cup in hand. 'I'm assuming you know the key tourist spots around the city being born here.'

'Why?'

'It's our cover and unlike Jack, I believe it is important to maintain. Plus, if we don't, Owen will have nowhere to get his pizza delivered.'

Jack frowned, wondering if Gwen would have been as able to find them if not for that whole pizza debacle. 'You've signed the official secrets act and we'll be monitoring you to make sure you don't tell anyone about what we are, what we do and where we are.'

Jimmy snorted. 'Like everyone doesn't know all that anyway. Except the monster in the dungeon, that bit was new on me. And then there's the bloody big vehicle you lot have your name written on.'

Ianto watched Jack grin at the mention of the Torchwood SUV and shook his head. 'That has been mentioned previously.'

'It also needs a tune up.' Jimmy pointed out. 'I could have a look if you like.'

'You good with cars?'

'Have to be if you want to steal them, don't cha.' Jimmy shook his head.

And Ianto rolled his eyes.

Once the coffee was drunk Ianto nodded to Jack and asked Jimmy to follow him as he wove though the Hub and emerged in the Tourist Office. He watched as Jimmy surveyed the public face of Torchwood, taking in the brochures and postcards.

'Do you actually get people asking directions?'

Ianto shrugged. 'Some, we mainly use this for deliveries but if we don't use it more the Welsh Tourism Board might start asking questions.'

'Right, secret to a good cover is not blowing it.'

'Something like that.' He finished dusting the desk and watched Jimmy exploring.

'We'll need some new stuff, half the events here are out of date.'

Rummaging in a draw Ianto pulled a notebook out. 'I put this together when I first started, it has all the contacts you should need for that sort of thing.' He handed it to Jimmy.

Tucking it back in the draw Jimmy nodded then his face went pale.

'I don't have to wear a suit do I? Nobody said nothing about dressing for a funeral.'

'As long as you are tidy and not wearing anything offensive you should be fine. I would also suggest keeping a change of clothes here, things have a tendency to happen.'

'What if we got some Cardiff shirts in? Could sell some and whoever is in here could wear them as a uniform if they wanted.'

Ianto held back from saying anything right away, it wasn't a bad idea and it might help Jimmy settle into the team better if he was contributing and being listened to. 'You find me some prices and options of what we should stock and I'll run the numbers passed Jack.' He treated the world to a gentle smile. 'He may even like the idea.'

Jimmy snorted. 'He'll sign where you tell him to.' He'd seen the looks the two men shared and knew enough to work out who really ran Torchwood, and he wasn't convinced it was a flashy American in a retro outfit.

'Yes but he doesn't know that.' Ianto winked before smiling. 'Come on, lets go for a walk and bring back lunch.' He handed Jimmy a cellphone and credit card. 'Don't lose either, and don't ever forget they are monitored. We'll get you a comms unit once Tosh finishes fixing them. They tend to get trashed in the field so you'll have to use the cellphone for now.' He held the door open and flicked the sign to closed as they headed out onto the Plass.

Keeping pace with the taller man in his immaculate suit Jimmy pondered the twist of fate that brought him here and the people he now worked with. 'The other three, the English git and the two birds, they don't know about your magic tricks do they.'

'They do not and you are expected to maintain that.'

'Yeah, the Captain was real specific about the consequences of any slip up on my behalf.' He shook his head at the terrifying warning that had been delivered. 'He's had an interesting past I reckon.'

'You're very astute, is that also part of being a criminal.'

'You are the only one as ever caught me so I'm not confessing to anything.'

'Probably wise. But what are your impressions of the team.'

Jimmy looked at Ianto with a practiced and shrewd eye. 'Most folks aren't actually after the truth.'

'I assure you, I am.'

'Right, well, you and fancy pants in his bloody great coat are clearly shagging.'

'Is that a problem for you.'

'Only if you ask me to join in, I know what I fancy and it aint no bloke no matter how good looking his jawline is.'

Ianto snorted and indicated he should continue.

'That real posh bird, she's all right, shame she fancies that English git. I'd totally go there if she wanted a bit of me.'

Ianto laughed. 'Oh dear, that's an image I wasn't expecting.'

'Except. One of my mates had the same look, in his eyes, after he did a hard turn in the nick.'

'That is one theory I would suggest not mentioning. And the others?'

'The git's alright, probably crap taste in music but that other bird, she's bad news.'

'Go on.'

'Chicks like her are always a problem, them interfering queen bee types. Fluttering eyelashes and dropped knickers quick as a flash if they think they'll get what they want.'

It was an assessment Ianto didn't disagree with and indicated as such with a snort and a quick nod.

It didn't take long before they reached a sandwich shop and Jimmy followed Ianto in, hoping he hadn't offended and wasn't going to ask for an assessment of his character. He hadn't worked the suit out yet and the whole magic thing was even more terrifying than the idea of aliens with shark like teeth. Truth be told, he hadn't needed much of a warning from Jack to maintain Ianto's secrets. He was fairly sure, if push came to shove it was his fellow countryman he needed to keep on the good side of, more than Jack. And for all that, the guy was so likeable.

\--------------------------

Walking though the rolling cog door with bags of sandwiches Ianto was still lost in thoughts of Gwen and Jimmy's assessment of her character. 'Take these to the conference room please and I'll be in with coffee.'

'This lot seem rather fond of your coffee.'

'You not a fan?'

'It's alright, but I prefer cola to coffee.'

Jack walking behind them and caught their conversation and snorted. 'Ianto will change that one coffee at at time.'

'Ah, Sir. You spoke with the Home Office while we were out?'

'Frobisher is a prick and a half so nothing new there.'

'Quite.'

'Anyway, we may have a case but it's going to take some specialist equipment.'

Ianto waved Jimmy ahead as he looked at Jack and tried to read between the lines. 'Sir?'

'How are you with camping?'

'Camping?'

Jack bounced on the balls of his feet, hands shoved into his pockets. 'Yes, sleeping in a tent, roasting marshmallows over an open fire.'

'Owen bitching about fresh air and no doodah, food poisoning and small flying creatures that bite.'

'That'd be the one.'

Ianto rolled his eyes. 'You want to take who exactly on this merry trip of yours?'

'Everyone. Be a chance to do some team bonding, get to know the new guy.'

'I see.'

\--------------------------

Over lunch Ianto mentally contemplated the state of Torchwood's camping equipment and lamented the inability to take his own, magically enhanced tent. One that had a great deal more creature comforts than the heavy canvas kit in storage. Then there was the slight detail that Jack was altogether much too cheerful about the idea of this trip to investigate the string of missing people. Looking around the table Jack seemed to be the only one with any degree of enthusiasm about the road trip he was suggesting they all go on.

Gwen developed a speculative look while considering her options and cleared her throat to speak. 'Jack. This sounds like an excellent idea but, perhaps it would make more sense if only some of us went. We can hardly leave the rift unguarded while we go traipsing around the countryside.'

Owen threw his napkin down. 'She's got a point, we could draw straws or something to see who gets left behind.'

'Or we could volunteer, I don't mind going with you Jack.' She fluttered her eyelashes a few times, something that always worked on her father and Rhys.

'I was beginning to consider actually leaving Tosh here to monitor things and Jimmy to look after Myfanwy and Janet. I would have preferred to take the whole team but there is no way I'm leaving Owen behind, we might need a medic.'

Puffing up Gwen smiled. 'So that's, you, me and Owen then.'

Ianto rolled his eyes. 'I'm presuming you'll be needing the tents, Sir.'

'Steady on.' Owen's head snapped up. 'Tents?'

'Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that. We'll be camping.' Jack grinned.

Ianto watched Gwen's eyes lose their smile and added a few more items to the equipment list.

'Are you sure you don't need all of us after all, Jack.'

'No, I think the four of us should be enough, Ianto can manage the technical side of things and that leaves me with two field agents plus myself. Unless you don't think you're up for it.'

Straightening her jacket she glared at Owen. 'I'm up for it.'

'Good.' Jack clapped his hands together with glee. 'You'll need to be here bright and early in the morning so we can leave at dawn.'

Owen groaned. 'Dawn? I hate this trip already.'

Jack watched as his team organised themselves for the following day's adventure. Or more accurately, he watched Ianto organise the team. Starting with Tosh and what tech they should take. She was all but gushing over the chance to try out a set of long range comms units she'd been building. Her and Ianto had Jimmy install an aerial in the SUV to boost the signal as they were heading into a bit of a dead area for cellphones. Ianto and Jimmy followed that up by checking the camping equipment to ensure nothing was missing or in need of replacing. Which left Jack the all important job of writing a shopping list, at the top of which was marshmallows followed by toilet paper.

\-------------------------

Gwen sat in the back pouting as Jack drove towards the Brecons while beside her Owen whinged about the smell of grass and the countryside in general. In the front seat next to Jack, Ianto was playing with his PDA.

'Says here seventeen people have vanished, I don't know if this is weevils Jack.'

'We don't know the Rift doesn't reach out here.' He looked over at Ianto and smiled at him, forgetting for a moment their team mates in the back. 'It's a trip to the countryside.'

'If the next words out of your mouth are along the lines of what could go wrong you'll be on decaf if anything does.'

'I don't need to say anything that cliched, you're with the Captain after all.'

'Oh that makes me feel better.'

Jack grinned as he focused on the road.

Owen took a break in his moaning to lean forward. 'How do we know it isn't some sort of suicide club. I know I'd want to top myself living out here.' He looked at Jack. 'And you want to sleep in a tent?'

'No other race in the universe goes camping, you need to embrace your uniqueness.'

'I'd rather embrace indoor plumbing and clean linen.'

'We have no idea who or what is responsible for seventeen people going missing in the last five months, the police are out of ideas and you want to stay with strangers in a hotel.'

'Well when you put it like that.' Owen leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest and resumed glaring out the window at the passing fields.

Next to him Gwen yawned. 'Maybe we should play a game.'

'Are we eight? For the record I'm not playing I Spy.'

'I wasn't going to suggest that.' She muttered, looking out her own window.

\--------------------------

In true Captain Jack Harkness style, and running a few stop signs, the SUV reached Jack's intended destination well ahead of the GPS trip advisor's suggested time frame of 48 minutes.

Owen's first words when they stopped were. 'And why the bloody hell did we have to leave at dawn if we were this bloody close? And what the fuck do we need tents for, it's not like we can't just drive home.'

'How far did you think we were going?' Jack asked him. 'I know Ianto included a map in the file he compiled.'

'Doesn't mean I actually read it. He's practically Rain Man the shit he remembers so I didn't think I needed to, did I.'

Gwen looked smugly at him. 'Well I read it.'

To which the doctor snorted. 'That'd be a bloody first, I should buy a lotto ticket if I don't get struck by lightning.'

\--------------------------

Ianto considered his team mates behaviour as he and Jack unloaded the camping equipment and mentally reminded himself to share his thoughts with the older man when they got a chance. Dropping two smaller tents to one side for Gwen and Owen he pulled the larger canvas tent over to where Jack stood. He began putting the tent up while Jack indicated he was going to sort out their cooking facilities. Once that was complete he called out to Jack.

'I'll help you get more firewood if you like.'

Jack grinned as he followed Ianto into the woods, pulling him into his arms once they were out of sight. Ianto leaned into the familiar warmth of the older man, pulling him closer as his lips moved in. Before he could make contact he saw something out the corner of his eye.

'Jack?' He stepped back and moved towards movement, finding something covered in heavy cloth. He waited for Jack to move it, revealing a skeleton with very little meat left covering the bones. The body fresh and absent any heavy insect activity to indicate this was anything other than a body dumped in the woods.

'Well I don't think weevils did this.' Jack dropped the cloth and rose to his feet. 'We should get Owen to check of course.'

'You wait here and I'll fetch him shall I.'

Jack nodded, watching Ianto as he headed back to the camp, calling for the doctor and his kit.

Kneeling Owen glared at the body as if personally offended he'd had to come all this way to see it.

'Looks male, but don't bother asking for cause of death because there isn't enough of anything to tell me. No skin or organs and the bones are practically stripped clean so there's bugger all for the bugs even.'

'Definitely not a weevil then.'

'Hell, they leave bite marks on the bones, that would at least give me something to work with.' He pulled his gloves off and dropped them into his kit as he rose to his feet and looked at Jack and Ianto. 'I say we call the police and let them deal with it.'

About to speak Jack was interrupted by a scream.

'Bloody hell, that sounded like Cooper.' Owen watched as Jack, gun at the ready began running towards the camp where they heard the SUV starting up. He looked at Ianto.

'You think we interrupted a body dump?'

'Or a distraction.' Ianto followed after Jack.

Owen found Jack standing with his hands on his hips surveying the flattened tents and the now ruined campsite. Ianto was tapping on his PDA and speaking with Tosh but Gwen was no where to be seen.

'Bloody hell, they took the SUV?'

Jack nodded. 'It can't have been locked.'

'Gwen stayed here so I didn't see any point grabbing the keys.' Owen set his kit down and kicked a tent peg. 'So much for camping. Tea boy get hold of Tosh?'

Ianto moved beside Jack. 'Signal's pretty week, she's going to get hold of the local police and send them for the body. She did say something which I'm not sure how I feel about.'

'Yeah?'

'Apparently her and Jimmy have been researching the general area and this isn't the first time a number of people have gone missing around here.' He pulled a map out and opened it. 'We are dealing with about twenty miles of crap cellphone signals and generations of missing persons. No idea the exact numbers since, to Tosh's extreme dismay, not all the records are digital. I've also got my PDA tracking the SUV which is.' He handed Jack the map and checked the device. 'Three point four miles away.'

'Gunning it at ninety or holed up with our gabby ex copper?' Owen asked, not really wanting the answer.

'Stationary, in what looks like a village according to the map.'

'Because that doesn't scream trap. Any chance they'll get sick of her shrieking and give her back?'

Jack and Ianto exchanged a look and both shook their heads.

'Great, bloody marvelous, good thing I really fancied a bloody walk in the bloody countryside.' Owen snatched a tent peg up and hurled it in the direction of the tire tracks. 'Unless either of you have a flying carpet stashed somewhere I don't know about.'

'No, sorry. They are notoriously hard to get hold of.'

Owen looked at him. 'I'm sorry I asked.'

Jack raised an eyebrow at Ianto who shook his head.

'Only works if I know where I'm going. I could pop home and come back with my broom of course.'

'Now is not the time to be worried about leaving a tidy campsite tea boy.' Owen scanned the trashed site and picked a trampled back pack up to stow his kit in.

'Looks like we're heading west.' Jack looked to Ianto who nodded.

\--------------------------

An hour later the three men stood at the top of a hill looking down at an almost disappointingly average looking Welsh village.

'Oh goodie, we found them.' Owen set his pack down and took the protein bar Ianto handed him.

'Brynblaidd according to the map.' Ianto finished his own protein bar and tucked his PDA away.

'We should stick together.' Jack surveyed the village. 'Not really enough of us to split up safely.'

They approached the closest building, finding signage indicating it was the pub, unaware they were being watched.

'We have no idea what to expect so keep your eyes open and try not to kill anyone.'

'What if they try to kill me first?' Owen shoved the door open and waited for Jack.

'Then by all means you may return the favour.'

Finding the pub empty Jack pulled Ianto aside.

'Is there anything you can do to help find Gwen?'

'Not off the top of my head and nothing I can think of will work without line of sight.'

'Will your PDA pick up heat signatures?'

'I can try, Tosh had a field day when I asked her to kit it out for me.' He clicked the comms unit and began speaking with their technical genius.

Owen stepped up beside Jack. 'Tea boy got an idea?'

'He's trying to see if he can sync his gizmo up to look for body heat since our other scanners are hopefully still in the SUV that we haven't found yet.'

'He must have some wicked tech in that calculator of his if he can.' Owen muttered as he began exploring the pub. 'You reckon the taps are working? I could go a pint about now.'

'I'll buy you a beer when we get home.'

'Yeah alright, steady on. Just trying to lighten the mood.'

Ianto ended his call with Tosh and swept the room with this PDA. 'It's picking you two up fine not sure if it will work through stone walls though. Tosh contacted the local police, she said he was bordering on being too helpful. After he asked if Torchwood was a band.'

'A band?' Owen scoffed.

Jack shrugged. 'I know Ianto and I can both sing.'

'I also play the piano.' Ianto added. 'I'll go outside and see if this picks you up in here.'

Jack nodded.

Owen grinned. 'One thing for this trip, it's nice to see him in something other than a suit.'

Jack laughed. 'I often see him out of his suit.'

'I did not need to know that.'

\--------------------------

Ianto groaned, opening his eyes he took a moment to try and work out where he was before lifting a ginger hand to check the bump on his head. An action that induced a few stars to serenade him along with another jolt of pain but thankfully no blood. He thanked his thick Welsh skull for that. Last thing he remembered was standing outside the pub with Jack and Owen visible in the window right before everything went black.

'What happened?'

His eyes followed the voice to find Gwen huddled in a corner clutching something that looked like a shoe.

'At a guess, they hit me from behind.'

She dropped the shoe. 'Some rescue you are.'

'Never pegged you as a damsel in distress myself.' He replied, leveraging himself into a more comfortable sitting position. 'Any idea where we are?'

She shrugged.

Looking around he considered the coolness and air quality along with the way sound danced around them it felt rather like being in the lower parts of the Hub. 'Looks like we're in some sort of cellar.'

Gwen snorted. 'The last occupants must have drunk all the wine then. All I found was a pile of shoes and a fridge I wasn't sure I wanted to open.'

'Shoes?'

'Yeah, must be dozens of pairs, all different types and sizes.'

'Right.' He rose to his feet. 'Lets check out that fridge.' He closed the door as quickly as he'd opened it. 'I guess that answers that question.'

'We're going to die aren't we.'

Patting himself down he didn't disagree with her.

'Don't bother, they took the guns.'

Ianto grinned as he found he still had his wand. 'I just hope I find my PDA before we leave this hell hole.'

'You think we're getting out of here?'

'Oh I know I'll get out. How did they get you?'

'Hit from behind and woke up here. And now I'm going to die in this god forsaken place.'

'That's one option.' Ianto muttered to himself taking stock in the pounding in his head. A third voice pulled him from his introspection.

'You're both awake, good.'

The two Torchwood agents turned to see a gun held by a woman dressed in baggy clothes.

'I'm a nurse, if your head needs looking at.

'I will be fine thank you. I've taken worse knocks that that at school.' He'd been a beater in the Ravenclaw quidditch team his last three years. Probably could have played professionally if he hadn't owned the ministry seven years service to repay his schooling. None of which was important as a baggy looking blonde woman stood there holding a rifle on them.

'I've been sent to fetch you but are there more of you? Have you managed to call for help?'

Gwen snorted. 'Of course there are more of us.'

'Doesn't matter.' The blonde muttered. 'None of it matters except you have to come with me. I am sorry.'

Gwen stepped towards her. 'It's okay, we can help you. We're with Torchwood, this is what we do.'

Ianto rolled his eyes, she was speaking to a woman with a gun in what she seemed to think was a friendly and placating tone. Unfortunately she was also putting herself right in his line of sight, rendering him unable to safely cast any spells at their guard who snorted.

'You can't help me, no one can.'

'Yes we can.' Gwen insisted.

'No. You can't you dumb cow. There's no stopping it, every ten years it takes us and we can't stop it. No one can stop the harvest.' She waved the gun at them, indicating they should move.

Ianto began to develop a theory he wasn't looking forward to proving as he began to put the clues together. Gwen however had the bit between her teeth and wasn't going to let this go.

'What's doing this, what do they look like.' She demanded as she stepped though the plastic sheeting she was directed towards.

A male voice laughed. 'What should we look like?'

Ianto felt the rifle pushing him into a room that reeked of death. He watched as the woman handed the gun off to a third person before kissing the man standing in the middle of a kitchen slash abattoir. Bodies hung from the ceiling wrapped in plastic and jars of internal organs littered the surfaces. It was just like the fridge in the cellar and left him with a very uncomfortable feeling.

'What do you want with us?' Gwen pleaded.

Ianto rolled his eyes. 'Well I doubt they want my gran's scone recipe.'

Gwen turned to Ianto, her eyes blazing. 'This isn't the time for bad jokes.'

Ianto wondered what it was the time for as she turned back to their captors.

'You need to let me go, you don't know who I am. I'm Gwen Cooper.'

Two things happened. The blonde stepped away from the man and back handed Gwen.

'Wont shut up this one.'

And the man grinned. 'You're all just meat, if you really want to know and this is my harvest.'

Gwen doubled over and vomited. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand she shook her head. 'But you're human.'

He frowned. 'Of course I'm human.'

'You don't have to do this.'

'Yes I do, besides, it makes me happy.' He looked around. 'Helen.' Taking a baseball bat from her.

'What are you going to do?' Gwen whimpered. 'Butcher us?'

He shook his head, eyes wide with manic delight. 'Meat needs to be tenderized -.'

'Not bloody likely.' Ianto stood there, wand tucked away hoping Gwen hadn't seen it as their captors stood frozen like statues. He looked at his jabbering team mate.

'Come on Gwen, they wont stay like that long, we need to secure them.' He found rope and began restraining the man. 'Gwen!'

She jumped at her name and searched around for something to tie Helen with. 'How are they?' She frowned as their captives tried to move. 'But they were frozen.'

'Does it matter.' Ianto snapped. 'Lets shove them in the cellar, we don't know where Jack and Owen are yet and I don't fancy unwrapping anything to look for them.'

Slamming the cellar door Ianto locked it with a word to prevent anyone from letting their prisoners free and turned to Gwen. Hoping she was sufficiently traumatized that she would fail to notice his use of magic. 'Come on, we need to find the others and we don't know how many of the village were in on their bloody harvest.'

'Surely not.' She started to speak.

'Seventeen missing people in the last five months, that's a lot of mince and chips Gwen.' Ianto moved back into the plastic coated room and found his comms unit, gun and PDA. He called Tosh as they moved slowly though the building. He picked an envelope up asked her to track the names and anyone else they might be related to in the village.

\--------------------------

In the Hub Tosh typed at a speed that left Jimmy speechless.

'Bugger.' She spun in her chair and reached for her comms. 'Ianto?'

Jimmy frowned. 'What is it?'

\--------------------------

Owen grinned when the flashing lights driving towards him were the police and a sturdy young man stepped out of the car.

'I'm not normally happy to see you lot.'

'You're a long way from home, sounds like you should be tucked up in London you do.'

'What can I say, I love all the fresh air you have out here.'

'Heard there was a bit of a disturbance.'

'You could call it that. Found a body in the woods and another one in the house back there.'

'Didn't put either of them there yourself did you?'

Owen shook his head. 'Why would I do that?' Wondering why Jack was still in the growing shadows. He should have been barking orders by now.

'Just, it's a long way to come for some fresh air, here, isn't it.' Releasing his gun as he smiled.

'Steady on mate.' Owen checked for his own gun. 'We're all friendly here.'

'Someone isn't though, are they. If you found two dead bodies, all stripped of flesh and wrapped like.'

Owen drew his gun. 'I never said that.'

'Oh.'

He crumpled as Jack stepped around him.

'Christ, you could warn a bloke before you do that shit.'

'Don't have time for that, grab the cuffs.'

'Are you telling me the plod were in on it too.' Owen pulled cable ties out of his pack and trussed the unconscious young man up.

Ianto appeared out of the shadows, followed by a shaking Gwen.

'We have his uncle locked in a cellar.' He exchanged a look with Jack before turning to Owen. 'And I think she's in shock.'

'You may be right tea boy, but I'm still the doctor, yeah.'

'Then by all means.' Ianto bowed his head. 'Doctor away.'

Gwen wrapped her arms around Owen after her failed attempt to hug Jack and sobbed on his shoulder.

Jack pulled Ianto to the side and checked him over for injuries, apologizing when the younger man winced when he found the lump at the back of his head.

'I wasn't sure what to expect when you vanished like that.' Pressing his forehead against Ianto's.

'I wasn't expecting to find sodding cannibals. And might I suggest no more camping trips, Sir.'

'Getting trussed up for dinner wasn't the team bonding I had in mind. You didn't say how you managed to get away with little more than a bumped head.'

Ianto smiled. 'That's easy Sir. Magic.'

Jack laughed. 'Of course. But we still need to find the SUV and get out of here.'

\--------------------------

Back in the Hub Jack leaned back in his chair, feet on the desk as he read the teams reports on their little trip in the countryside. Looking up he found Ianto still in his jeans, lounging in the doorway.

'Aliens I get, but humans?' Jack shook his head.

'I wonder if they will be found competent enough to stand trial.'

'I'm more worried we didn't get everyone.'

Ianto blanched. 'I wish you hadn't said that.'

'We'll keep an eye on the place and Torchwood has a long memory. I'm just glad you got out before they had a chance to do more than hit you on the head.'

'I wasn't particularly keen on being tenderized.'

'I would have rescued you. It would have been daring and heroic too.' He swung his feet down and smiled as Ianto moved towards him.

'I'm sure it would have.'

'Next question is, did Gwen see you using your magic.'

'She was a bit preoccupied at the time.'

'She actually wanted to interrogate them to find out why they did it.'

Ianto sat on the edge of Jack's desk and rubbed a hand over his face. 'He already told her it made him happy. That alone is going to give me nightmares for weeks.'

'Like I said, aliens I get. But I said no and sent her home.'

Ianto snorted. 'I think we both know that isn't where she went.'

'Owen.'

'Yeap.'

'Great.' Jack sighed. 'More childish snipping at each other across the conference room table.'

Changing the subject Ianto indicated the report Jack had been holding.

'You finished reading that?'

He nodded. 'Tosh's report on the new comms units looks promising.'

'Yeah, come on, lets go back to mine and not talk about work.'

'Ianto Jones, are you trying to seduce me?'

'Yes.'

Jack grinned. 'Very well, I accept.'


End file.
